In and Out
by ilfreitas
Summary: He's dead. That sentence, so small, two words and half, really, and small words too for a fact, and Remus was always a man of words and these shouldn't affect him as they do, because they're just words. Sirius/Remus One-shot


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Unfortunately.

**In and Out**

It's when Harry leaves the room to revenge him, to chase Bellatrix, Remus is aware of what happened.

Sirius.

_Sirius._

He's still looking to the veil, to the _bloody curtain_, still in shock, but mostly waiting for Sirius to come out.

Remus just stands there, looking at the Veil. Stares, stares, stares-

Someone steps forward in his direction and Remus snaps.

Suddenly it hits him.

_Sirius._

_SIRIUS._

_He's dead_.

That sentence, so small, two words and half, really, and small words too for a fact, and Remus was always a man of words and these shouldn't affect him as they do, because they're just words.

_Dead_.

Oh, but the words, the words make sense and Remus has to accept them as true,_ but I don't want to, it can't be, not Sirius, not now, not ever, never him…_

Remus knows the room must be full on noise, people are still fighting someone stands near him, probably talking to him, but all Remus can hear is the sound of his breathing, faster each time air rushes _in. Out. In. Out, in, out, in, out, in out in out inoutinoutin_, and his heart beating so loud, louder by beat and fastening its speed with his breath, both mocking him, his own organs mocking him at this point, _see? We're here. Keeping you alive. You're alive, and he's not._

Remus goes weak and falls onto his knees, the tears finally leaving his eyes – he wasn't even aware his eyes had been reddening wet before the salty flavor reached his mouth – and Sirius is gone, and isn't life ironic?

Because Remus always thought he would be the first Marauder to go, the first to die due to his _furry little problem_, but then James and Peter were gone and he stayed alive for the same reason he's going to keep himself now, although the person is different, _I can't let Sirius be the last Marauder_, he used to think until two years ago – _just two years he got from Sirius again, just two since thirteen apart, not enough, they had just solved every between them a few months before, no, why, Sirius… - _but now Sirius is gone too, but the real traitor is Peter, Peter who used to lit in admiration each time he looked at James, but then betrayed them and make Sirius and Remus lose everything, so Remus can't let him be the last.

But it's so hard this time, so much harder than before, Remus already knows this as he still stares at the Veil, as he still lets the tears fall, as he still silently sobs, as he feels more alone than ever, because _this_ hadn't happened before,_ Sirius died_ had never been a reality for him, Sirius had been safe in Grimmauld place, even if only physically, but hadn't Sirius himself felt happier when Remus started to live there too? Sirius wasn't alone in that dark place with him there, and they got their friendship back, _damn, they even got their 'even more' back within those walls_, and now he had nothing, Sirius was taken from him a second time, for good now.

Now, _now_, what will he do? Sirius had always been his constant in life, even when he hated him more than anything, more than he had even thought he could, and…

Does it really matter now if Remus had hated Sirius at some point of his life? That at some point he would be relieved in finding out Sirius was dead, if not only for him to be free to go too, when now, _now_, that Sirius returned to be his everything he lost him again, _now_ there was no Sirius and Remus doesn't think he can stop rambling, going in circles about what he thinks, because it _hurts_, _it hurts so much_ when he's not busying his mind like this, but the truth is that it hurts just as much because Remus can only think _Sirius, Sirius_.

And the wolf, the wolf once again, for how rare it is, is with him, the wolf wants to howl for the loss of his mate, but Remus can't, he can just silently stare at the Veil without blinking, silently let the tears role down his face, silently sob, silently hearing his heartbeat and the rush of air in and out of his lungs.

_Thump, thump, THUMP THUMP_

_In. Out. In. Out, in, out, in, out, inoutinoutinout_

_Sirius_, he wails in his head, still so silent on the outside.

_You're alive, and he's not._

000

AN: Again with Remus's mourning? Yes. I had this idea last night and I really _had_ to write it. This actually was going to be a Blaine/Pavarotti fic from Glee (what, it's my favorite crack pairing xD) but then I thought it was a bit too much for it, so Sirius/Remus it is.

And I think it's much better than my first fic about Sirius death, so what do you think?


End file.
